Links to Spotify.

(English)

(Hindi)

Game of thrones:

(Sad)

All Lorde Songs : https://open.spotify.com/user/31z47n3wmlajqmclord5jsvexgl4/playlist/4XDaLLp84ZtD4oiGHW0xSo?si=K4gVEwXdSGaZvgpMb5if3g

Hozier :

Hey, you.

Hey, you.
Can you wait till I learn to love myself
So I can love you too?
’cause by not loving myself first
But loving someone else
I’ve left half a dozen of hearts
Broken in my wake
And, believe me, yours is the one
I want to handle with care
Or not take it at all
In my sinful hands
I feel so loved
And I feel so bad
Cause all the time you think I’m pushing you away
I only mean to keep you safe from the monster I am
I see no reason why I shouldn’t love you
Just like I see no reason why you love me
I don’t mean to get your hopes high
Or, in anyway, hurt you
But only if I love myself
I’ll truly be able to love you
And I want to.

No Homo.

I’m not homophobic but I need to get this off my chest.

I HATE GAY FANFICS OF STRAIGHT CHARACTERS.

It has been bothering me for a while now but today I was bored so I started rewatching S3 of Sherlock and this theory that some Laura had, in the club, Anderson formed for like minded people who believe that Sherlock is very much still alive. Not only does she believe that somehow Moriarty and Sherlock planned this together.. she also implied that they were in love.. they kissed.

Now we’re all for getting rid of toxic masculinity but as soon as a character, book/movie/comic, shows slightest affection, banters or does something that is totally normal but still a very heartfelt move coming from them.. we term it as gay.. and start claiming they are same sex lovers.

I’ve come across many fanfics where Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are dating.. quick flash fictions.. relationship goals kinda stuff

No matter what JK Rowling says on Twitter, I, an old fashioned reader, totally refuse to believe that Harry, Draco or any other character in her series was gay.

I’m not against believing that book reality and movie/TV reality can’t exist side by side.. I’m a game of thrones fan, I believed in multiverse before I even knew what multiverse was.. but trying to be inclusive of all genders by ruining established storyline of characters is plain stupid.

If she had written it in this decade, I would have found it normal to see multiple lgbtq+ character and would’ve applauded her for her inclusiveness

But she’s making them come out of this non existent closet they were allegedly in and downright insulting the community. Older shows show racist/sexist remarks so we know exactly how it was for people back then but this ratchet shit is just boiling my blood rn

Even if they were gay.. you married them off and then came back with a play where Harry and Draco don’t have their hands in each other’s pant, they still hate each other to some extent so SHUT UP, ALREADY!

Harry/Draco fanfics have reserved a special place in Tartarus. Why do so many people believe that a guy who berated Harry and made fun of his best friends finances and called his other best friend a nasty slur, is the perfect partner for him? No wonder y’all get humiliated by your partners.. you’ve no fucking self respect.

Draco and Harry loving each other is as probable as Snape and Sirius kissing by end of the series or in heaven.

Get ‘he’s teasing you cause he likes you’ out of your shithole of a brain already.. bullying is bullying.

Bullying doesn’t become a synonym for flirting if the bully is hot.

This is old.
But recently I’ve come across many Tony Stark/Doctor Strange fanfics.

Tony is married with a daughter we all adore, you love her 3000, remember?
Doctor Strange had Regina George as his girlfriend, he chose getting beaten in streets in Nepal than part with her gift.

So yeah I don’t think these two proud, big headed superheroes would fuck each other even though they saved each other’s lives and went on a space (mis)adventure together.

And iron clad Hercules of mcu is dead and master of mystic arts is very much alive.

If saving each other’s life and having funny arguments made two people kiss and fuck in a steamy, dreamy way
I wonder why it’s only Tony and Steve and Tony and Strange and Steve and Bucky?

Why not Happy and Tony? Tony and Peter sounds fun too? Older, richer gays usually had younger dudes who screwed them, am I not right? Strange and Wong? Peter Q. and Rocket? Scott and Luis?

I hope you get my point.. saving ass and arguing WON’T MAKE 2 CHARACTERS FALL IN LOVE.

As a straight girl I know I should fall in love with an asshole and make him good person cause synonyms of woman according of oxford dictionary are dishwasher and rehabilitation centre.

That will trigger other things in me, let’s focus on this.

Don’t make straight characters gay, urge directors, authors and other people who have this kind of power to give life to characters. Write yourself if you can, create in any way you can, give your sexuality a place in art.

Life imitates art.

Changing sexuality of straight characters is as wrong as pretending yours doesn’t exist.

I know you don’t get to have a say in real life, but online, your presence is huge and makes sheer impact.

Don’t label people things they’re not.
Your community taught me that, it’s time high time now that you practiced it.

This one is for the heartbreakers.

We see so many things – quotes, poems, articles, memes about/for people who fail to win someone’s love, who are neglected, ignored and never get their feelings reciprocated.

This one is for the Heartbreakers.

People cry about how their crushes ignore all the attention they give them and don’t treat them right and how we are nothing but lovely faced monsters.

Let me give you our side of the story, the side I see no where, so I take it on me to write this.

We don’t enjoy the attention you give us. Period.

Just cause you like me and have an imaginary relationship going on with me in your pea brain which results in you amplifying and overthinking everything I say or do in general, to favour or hurt you in ways that shouldn’t concern you in first place, will not make you likable or lovable to me.

I am under no obligation to reciprocate your feelings. None. Or give you attention. The only thing I am noble enough to treat you with is basic human decency.

I was brought up lovingly and surrounded by people who love me, platonically, and will ask me for no such things which will make me question their intentions as to why there were standing by me in during testing times.

These healthy relationships, of which you’re incapable of, resulted in me being everything you crave for – happy. Why will I love your damaged ass and take your toxicity and undo everything that makes me, me. I didn’t damage you in the first place.

You like me, I don’t like you and I don’t even have reasons to like you.

You for one was neglected by friends and family and you don’t even love yourself. You think I, who really does not give a shit about you, should love you and heal you. Why?

Sometimes people, unlike me, who think these people may be nice with good intentions, just a little bit emotional baggage, they welcome them in their life and love them and heal them. And they get fucked up.

These people who are not used to receiving love, don’t understand that love quota of our systems is fulfilled by different sources. Some from parents, siblings, friends, and even our ownselves. #selflove folks. They can’t drain one person to fill the reservoir. It’s unhealthy and damaging.

You can’t possibly have a life beyond them, if you are in a relationship with them. I mean how can you have your own life, friends, problems – that don’t concern them, so you don’t involve them.

Like come on! Your life should revolve around theirs. They are the only thing you must look forward and up to when it’s actually them who have no one else but you, so they try to guilt you into losing friends. So, that you can be two creatures, alone in the world against all odds.

Lol.

These neglected, emotionally disable people are really not deserving of love in my eyes.

I said it, yes.

I said you don’t deserve it.

What you think is love – giving attention, remembering details, small ones, from our day to day life – is cute, ‘only when’ the person concerned loves you too and reciprocates your feelings and approves of this behaviour.

Otherwise, it’s definitely psychopathic stalker behaviour.

Wear my shoes and imagine, you are a girl, being normal doing things you like posting pictures, sharing memes and BOOM! There is a guy who starts loving you and will do anything for you and you still don’t have any idea he exists.

When his love is ripe, about to fall from the tree.. he comes to you and tells you and swears his undying love for you. Your approach will be — “what? no! I don’t love you! Stay away from me creep! *Blocked*

What will this guy think –
Oh My God! She is so ruthless and stupid for not reciprocating my love. Does she not understand that I, the psychopathic stalker who knows every detail about her life, loves her the most and will keep her happy, unlike that guy who is actually a good friend and doesn’t want what’s between her legs and who hurts her while play fighting and everything is sarcasm but my brain is not evolved to understand that why must she have friends of opposite gender like a normal human being when I have no female friends because I am uncultured to begin with.

Maybe I exaggerated it but ok, it’s me.

I am concluding now because in this fit of rage, I’ll write something terrible and face the wrath of the heartbroken people, who will try to justify everything they did.

In conclusion, I am too young to claim that I am unable to love. I want to love, I really do but I don’t know what will I do when I finally get it.

I am like a dog chasing cars I wouldn’t know what to do with it, once I get it.

The idea of loving and being loved makes us all go mushy, even the ones, like me, who are unable to comprehend normal human emotions on daily basis.

But the effort it takes to love someone, to love someone truly, not selflessly, while handling your own imperfect life and the reins of their emotions, is too much for me at this age.

I have decided to not love until I am sure that this person is fit to be remembered on my deathbed, when my life flashes before my eyes.

I’ll write you poems when you leave me.

I’ll write you poems when you leave me

Long ones describing how sunlight got trapped in your hair

How you breath and walk
And smell and talk sense

About why I stare at your mouth when you talk
And why I ask you to squeeze my hand as tight as you can

And how you poke my face and tell me its much better without dimples
And why I love running my fingers on your veins and hair

And how you tricked in me into watching Forrest Gump by telling me it’s a survival thriller.

I’ll write about how you loved me and how you wanted to be loved

And also how you deserved to be loved

And how I waste our precious time together over stupid things I won’t even care about in future

How I love how you smile at everything, the ground and sky

How I love you when you hold my hand and keep saying it’ll be alright

How I love you for loving me so much, I can’t hate anyone, anymore.
Not even myself.

How I love you for loving me so much that you coaxed me into loving myself

I’ll write you poems when you leave me
I’ll answer every question you asked me and I pretended not to hear

I’ll write you poems when you leave me
But right now see me struggle for words to describe what you mean to me

Irrelevant

In my last post I said that one of the things I was putting most effort in was posting more than 30 memes one day in my stories

This thing made me likeable, people complimented me, I felt like I was cool.

I knew new trends, I understood them.

Well I wasn’t unique
I was alone.

I was the only one doing it and then I started getting followers and other people especially girls realized ‘lets repost her story’

It still annoys me but I have no right to call it mine so can’t do anything

But I get annoyed and it hurts me all the same

I have put in alot of effort and sacrificed my sanity for this

None of these people were doing this
And now they are and now I feel

Irrelevant

I feel that my 15 seconds of being popular is over

And I wasn’t ready for it

Now I don’t feel like posting anything on my main page cause ‘why?’ Why should I?

I watch stories of other folks posting 30 stories and so are you

If I don’t post it, it won’t matter, will it?

I didn’t plan any of this. That if I post stories people will start liking my sense of humour and I’ll get attention

But I liked the attention

It was more than my writing could ever get me

At one point, I had seen every fucking meme. I was ‘omnipresent’ @itighne said that not me

And now since last week.. I’ve been replied seen to the memes I shared

I am reminiscing all of this as if I’m an opera singer, singing to a dark and empty theatre, that I once conquered. Cause it’s not very different

The feeling of going out of trend. FOMO

It’s killing me now

It’s like I’ve to chose between my deteriorating mental health and my dying popularity and I can’t choose

I wanna be healthy and I want attention too

I can’t compromise on both but I have to

One needs to go and I’ve made my choice

I was known for being annoying, funny.

I have zero stories now.

Is everyone who ever said that their thumbs ache with all the tapping, are your thumbs okay?

Is everyone who ever said that I’m unfunny and trying to hard, relieved that I’m no longer trying?

Is everyone who said that I get hated cause of my stories being unfunny and too many, do you guarantee I’ll be okay now?

No stories, no trying too hard.

I feel that this is an epilogue.
The last mic drop.

I haven’t stopped posting stories tho
I am doing that
Just not for you or your kind.

I might not be relevant anymore

But it all started cause I was lonely with no meme squad

I’m still lonely with no meme squad.

I still share memes, not because I wanna bring new things to the table

Just cause I wanna appreciate it.
Have a laugh.

Serotonin

Note : These are not paragraphs.
This is how I talk to myself.
Each stanza signifies a message.
And I’ve taken the liberty to not make any kind of sense.

This is my new favorite word

One of my friend(?) Uses it often when he tries to describe what makes instagram so addictive

He said he wants to substitute it

Not to me personally, in his stories.

He was, in my opinion/observation, unable to find it elsewhere

We all come here to seek validation but go back questioning our flaws that we didn’t know were flaws until now.
When we see someone else’s better features
I never knew people didn’t like small noses until I was on Instagram

My father used to tell me it was cute and much better than his nose, which looks like beak of an eagle

And now instagram tells me that my nose is too small.

As far as lifestyle is concerned. Idgaf.

I chose the life of a sloth and I plan to live by it.

I have devised a plan to get over my internet obsession. It works for me weirdly.

Last 2 years have been a nightmare considering my grades

11th and 12th as a PCMB student were hard when the most effort I was putting in was on meeting the daily goal of 30 memes on the story and a post per week

I am addicted to Snapchat as well
None of my pictures are unfiltered

My mom says I look better in unfiltered pictures
I think she’s lying

I’ve promised myself I will try to accept myself more now

I’m Fat not Ugly and Snapchat doesn’t mask that
I’ve come to the conclusion
Now I just have to gather courage and work hard to implement it.

And as for my daily dose of validation and serotonin.. I’m studying.. I’m studying almost 10-14 hours a day and when after mugging stuff up I solve quizlets successfully

That’s enough serotonin for me

A girl once told me that I was too pretty to be her friend and that comment still haunts me in two ways

Either she meant it sarcastically that I was too ugly to be her friend, which is probably not the case and just me trying to pity myself

Or she thought that about herself.

You come here to be happy and go back sad
Then you come back again hoping it’ll have something else.

We’re stupid.

14.4.2019
00:50